1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
