If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
