i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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