I'm jealous of your bromance
I just threw up on my dentist
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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