Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
