she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
