My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
