Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Life is so much better after having sex.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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