so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
