He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
