he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
