Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
