I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
