it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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