Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
