how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
