I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
