my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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