I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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