Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
