why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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