There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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