So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
