were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
