I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
