ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
