Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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