Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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