i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
