I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
