The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
