how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
