That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
