She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
