my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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