We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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