It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
