drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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