I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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