I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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