Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize