We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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