Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
