3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
