Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
tell me about the fingering
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
