My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
