There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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