I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
