I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."