I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.