Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
