seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null