I heard we made out
Barsexuality is the new black.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard