remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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