The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
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Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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