He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on