I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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