Texts From Last Night

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  (850): View more from Florida

  Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.

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  (850): Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me. http://tfl.nu/4nm9
  Replies (65) Good night (1804) Bad night (7025)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.

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  (618): i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette. http://tfl.nu/cqrz
  Replies (38) Good night (1504) Bad night (7375)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef

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  (307): burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef http://tfl.nu/mi4v
  Replies (33) Good night (7008) Bad night (944)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back

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  (+44): I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back http://tfl.nu/kyt1
  Replies (182) Good night (21872) Bad night (1203)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.

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  (401): This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer. http://tfl.nu/lyuy
  Replies (1) Good night (971) Bad night (3071)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me

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  (717): got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me http://tfl.nu/g14l
  Replies (6) Good night (4172) Bad night (1084)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.

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  (303): I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van. http://tfl.nu/3fdc
  Replies (17) Good night (1438) Bad night (4030)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.

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  (630): I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar. http://tfl.nu/ha0p
  Replies (5) Good night (1752) Bad night (1153)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.

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  (864): Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you. http://tfl.nu/7af4
  Replies (5) Good night (499) Bad night (1088)
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?

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  (956): Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch? http://tfl.nu/v3f3
  Replies (3) Good night (663) Bad night (380)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.

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  (858): The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good. http://tfl.nu/j93v
  Replies (3) Good night (386) Bad night (663)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245

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  (602): Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245 http://tfl.nu/keca
  Replies (5) Good night (422) Bad night (345)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer

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  (770): but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer http://tfl.nu/kkfh
  Replies (4) Good night (720) Bad night (361)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.

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  (423): I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time. http://tfl.nu/ysom
  Replies (0) Good night (518) Bad night (325)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.

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  (909): I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet. http://tfl.nu/vd59
  Replies (0) Good night (224) Bad night (111)

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