last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...