Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex