Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
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More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
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He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.