woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
