Texts From Last Night

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  (812): View more from Indiana

  dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.

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  (812): dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere. http://tfl.nu/598l
  Replies (20) Good night (623) Bad night (3927)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen

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  (309): I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen http://tfl.nu/zk0c
  Replies (55) Good night (1054) Bad night (4232)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.

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  (816): I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear. http://tfl.nu/e1lf
  Replies (50) Good night (780) Bad night (6427)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother

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  (404): we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother http://tfl.nu/qg9n
  Replies (14) Good night (4993) Bad night (934)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me

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  (952): Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me http://tfl.nu/evhv
  Replies (29) Good night (4947) Bad night (1831)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!

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  (267): The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering! http://tfl.nu/inse
  Replies (45) Good night (7045) Bad night (657)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.

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  (612): You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast. http://tfl.nu/3zo3
  Replies (47) Good night (28972) Bad night (1209)
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  (845): View more from New York

  i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room

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  (845): i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room http://tfl.nu/beeq
  Replies (13) Good night (929) Bad night (3442)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name

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  (910): I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name http://tfl.nu/jjfc
  Replies (3) Good night (2309) Bad night (731)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.

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  (469): On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve. http://tfl.nu/bmil
  Replies (3) Good night (1335) Bad night (532)
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  (607): View more from New York

  He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?

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  (607): He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official? http://tfl.nu/vpzn
  Replies (6) Good night (1134) Bad night (486)
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  (562): View more from California

  I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"

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  (562): I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am" http://tfl.nu/p2nz
  Replies (3) Good night (741) Bad night (184)
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  (310): View more from California

  He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning

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  (310): He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning http://tfl.nu/j6rj
  Replies (1) Good night (268) Bad night (474)
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  (925): View more from California

  Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?

  (1-925): View more from California

  Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.

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  (925): Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer? (1-925): Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty. http://tfl.nu/4pgh
  Replies (2) Good night (297) Bad night (268)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard

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  (203): Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard http://tfl.nu/pmzn
  Replies (0) Good night (619) Bad night (234)

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