Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
