actually, I'm a sock model
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
This is classic penis vs brain.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
