It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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