Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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