No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
