We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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