omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
