then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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