You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
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