I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
