How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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