did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
