It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
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we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
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So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line