Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.