"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
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Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
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Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Lo siento on account of my penis...