the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.